With the podcast being such a great success, and personal things occupying most of my time lately, it has been rather difficult to keep up with regular blog writing. So to my regular readers, I apologize for making you wait so long for the next posting! But here it is, my annual PantheaCon Report. Every year I choose a different format in which to write it: rhyming prose, snarky gossip columns, etc. This time, in the fashion of non-creative writers everywhere, I give a “top five” of my experiences and moments at the Con. There is some snark, some love, but all is genuine and personal to how I observed.
#5 Hermes playing tricks.
Several times events were printed in the convention booklet, double checked in the Daily Oracle, AND on the billboard near registration... only to find upon arrival the thing was posted at a wrong time or was completely canceled. Do people ever proofread their shit these days? How can an organization NOT notice all weekend their misprints? Being in the shadow of Mercury's retrograde transit resonated well after it returned to the direct fashion of His orbit.
#4 Attending all lectures and none of the “woo-woo”.
This was not entirely planned, and maybe it is something which just happens when you get enough woo in home/community practice already, but I found it much more satisfying for my soul to not engage on such a deep, spiritual level with the other 3000 pagans converging on the Con. And to be quite honest, I am better for it! I was in bed at decent times, avoided the “Con crud” and didn't get anyone's psychic shrapnel all over me.
#3 Heavy Metal
I NEEDED the presentation from Jason Mankey on “Heavy Metal and the Occult”. Whilst I already knew most of what he was sharing, like the band “Coven” being the FIRST to record a black mass on vinyl, it was a much needed antidote to the fluffy, loving New Agey vibes the Con generally has. Not that I don't enjoy that TOO, but hearing some Mercyful Fate after sleepy harp sounds was a much needed boost to my Saturday afternoon. Bands like Coven, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, King Diamond, Iron Maiden, Venom... all were mentioned with a call from the audience with applaud, yells, and the occasional “yeah!”. It was really refreshing to be with other metal-heads in a Pagan environment.
One thing Mankey really should have included though: Dave Mustaine. In the early days of Megadeth, it was rather well known that Dave used magick and accompanying themes in several tracks from the first few albums: “Five Magicks”, “Bad Omen”, and one in particular, “The Conjuring” from the album Peace Sells But Who's Buying?, is actually a SPELL. In many interviews, even more current tellings by Mr. Mustaine himself, “The Conjuring” is spoken of in hushed tones due to the effects of this very potent magick on the listener. Now that Dave has converted to Christianity, and already received the career benefits from occultist experimentation of the early years, he refuses to play it in concert:
“Behold the flames rise, From the compass' cardinal points, Burn the sacred oil, And, with the ashes you'll anoint,
Arrange the symbols, Of the wizard, and, magician, Light the candles, Place the parchment paper in position, Between its leaves place, The lash from a black cat's eye, A straw of a broom, Fold, and, burn, and, centralize,
Don't summon the devil, Don't call the priests, If you need the strength, The conjuring,
I am the devil's advocate, A salesman, if you will, You know my name. [You know my name],
I met your father years ago, Gave him what he'd please, He called my name, you'll do the same,
I'm claiming what is mine by right, It's time to close the deal, You're bought and sold, bought and sold,
Come join me in my infernal depths, Mephisto's hall of fame I've got your soul, I've got your soul, The conjuring. Obey!!!”
And one more thing, on a personal note: Mr. Mankey if you are reading this, THANK YOU for not talking about Led Zeppelin. I bow to the masters, Jimmy Page and the Boys, but I got overkill as a kid (my Dad is a HUGE fan). Besides, I am more a Deep Purple kinda witch...
#2 Broken Priests
At first I thought it was a fashion statement, all the people walking around with canes and staffs. Then I looked closer and saw the limping, the wounded walking with walkers or with a slight shuffle. Physical manifestations of some battles, many with a tinge too much of madness in their eyes... the kind which comes with psychic wars fought within. Aging elders of many traditions hovered as future ghosts, whilst a changing of the guard is occurring. And who is the “new sexy”, the up-and-coming, or trending teachers? The hyperbole chamber of “Panelists” I just couldn't stomach to hear? The “Goddess of the Month Club” serving communion on behalf of the Virgin Mary to unsuspecting 'playgans'? The “cool kids” wearing sunglasses indoors? I cannot understand how anyone with magick in their veins cannot see or sense this? Perhaps they are too overwhelmed by what another broken priest described as “the witchflame/witchblood" and how it enflames and is drawn to each other. Maybe this is true for Pagans, but I find witches and other “shiny” folks rather repel me. Look at magnets, for example... what happens when you put the two same poles toward each other? They do not seek out the other but rather push against. That can really scramble up some folks if they aren't properly prepared, as we know spiritual work can effect physical matter. This is why it is important to have healthy bodies, healthy minds, healthy speech...and healthy relationship with spirit if we are to practice magick effectively. When one part comes out of balance, it effects the rest like fallen dominoes.
As a witch, magician, druid and overall magick worker... let's just say I can 'sense' things. There is a reason I am not quick to jump on the newest bandwagon. I am not the pique of perfect health either, being 38 with the innards of an 83 year old woman essentially does not say much about my physical well-being. However, I have seen the pagan community, and the wider world as a whole, in the midst of a spiritual battle. And my friends, it's not looking good. Yes, the pessimistic, party-pooper of PantheaCon title is proudly worn on my lapel. I cannot help it, having a Cassandra effect on my prophecies. There is an intense lack of awareness going on, a kind of narcissistic apathy in which these individuals bring others into their bubble of fluff (even dark fluff, with it's ooey gooey bloody kisses). Pats on the back for online statements, rivals in book sales and products competing with 'boring' genuine practice, edgey styles trumping hidden gems...these were the faces which walked the pathways of the Doubletree all weekend. And the whole thing kinda made me sick.
I did not attend panels filled with people considered to be well-meaning yet highly personal in their politics. Because, frankly... I don't care. I don't care if someone is a racist. I don't care if someone mish-mashes gods together or is even an atheistic-otherkin witch who dresses up as a furry. None of it matters at ALL. What does matter is how you live, not what you say. And those who 'walk the walk”, walked strong. When your nose is to the grind, you don't notice what others are doing.
#1 The Grown-Up Table
I hear, “I WANT to be one of the cool kids!”; to that I say, “Keep your cool kids, I want to sit at the grown-ups table”. What that means is this: there is something exciting, something fulfilling in being part of a public group or priesthood which everyone wants to join or participate in. I know something “new” to the community is exhilarating, especially when wrapped in leathers and the politically correct du'jour of the day. I guess there is a certain amount of power one can get from another person's fear of you, the popularity of your Gods, or being a Pagan that gets along with everyone. That being said, I am in it for the long haul not to be a rock star.
So, this year I hung out with the elders. I talked to people who have been at it for 30 years or more, seen all the trends and done all the things. I asked questions about their practice, how they stay involved without getting others' poo on them, and what it was like for their children to see it all. I shook hands with and smiled at people who KNEW they had done me wrong, had insulted my intelligence or otherwise wasted my time and energy. After completing a year's worth of very disciplined spiritual work, I was able to walk up to elders that otherwise would have made my knees shake, told them about my own process, and sometimes made them laugh. I can reminisce about times I fucked up, or times I succeeded, without getting theoretical.
A wide-eyed girl came up to me, asking how to become a witch and what the difference between a magician and witch were and who do I suggest she study with.... it was just exhausting. But then I remembered how I was that girl, but she had more guts than me in the asking. So I told her my story (briefly) and gave her some advice: talk to everyone she could, ask after them in the community and to actually DO the Work. She looked at me like “Gee, thanks lady” and walked off. Guess I wasn't sexy enough for her short-attention span, but the seed was planted. I have a confidence and maturity now which does not make me indifferent or apathetic, only more discerning with a high ethical standard seen as being 'conservative'. But yes, this is what being a grown up means! It means we hold our tongues, we recognize and call-out injustice or hypocrisy, we have boundaries and provide protection, but most importantly, we don't have TIME for the bullshit. I have offerings to make, spirits to invoke, children to bathe, the Dead to service and spiritual battles to fight for. Keep your cliques and social clubs... I am too occupied tasting the marrow of magick.
*Further Note (2/20/2015): I want to add, for the sake of clarification... I DO care very, very much about the oppression of other people, regardless of culture or skin color. The inherent racism and bigotry in our society these days is very much a sickness of spirit. I have been, and always will be, a supporter of those who stand up for the rights and liberties of others. However, I realize I am also NOT the person to do it either. When I say "I don't care about racism" I only mean this within the context of my spiritual practice...activism is not part of it. Until I am told HOW to be an ally by the very people being oppressed, I will stand sentry for those needing support, shelter and spiritual healing.