In the early nineties I was a young and rebellious witchlet. No tradition, no rules to follow, no curriculum allowed me the opportunity to practice what I liked to refer to as “free-range witchcraft”, but others called 'eclectic'. Although not traditional, I was given SOME guidance by a mentor in the ways of Tantricism, even he encouraged my craving for variety, limitless knowledge, and the spiritual intensity which came so easily to me (and still does). As the years passed my craft became more refined and focused, I pulled from sources I academically researched and explored through travels to sacred places and people. An accumulated spiritual path, I stayed somewhat solitary and preferred Be-ing the big fish in my small pond.
It was only in the last 5 to 6 years I had been led to seek out more structured and rigid paths of magick and paganism, but still find myself taking bits and infusing them into personal praxis. Technology has made it easier to access information in ways which I fully take advantage of: making contact with other artists of the occult, exchanging ideologies and methodologies... the sharing resources is a blessing to my ever-evolving path. The problem lies in the other side of this coin: with tremendous egos and armchair scholars (you know those folks, the amateur historians who read and research without ACTUALLY getting a degree and claim to be the authority), looking down their noses and offering opinions as if there were only one perspective, asking for references or the long recitation of lineages/initiations. In my youth I tended to give them my tallest finger with a smile that said “eat shit” for my degree.. now I just let them believe me to be a 'noob'.
In my studies I have found a niche in the occult community which speaks highly of my attitude concerning religion in general: Chaos. I thrive in it... creating it is really when I shine my brightest. I am extremely lucky and make it out of every situation by the skin of my teeth, escaping death and riding waves which would drive most to suicide or madness (and I have visited both). Without accepting the one-ness of the universe at face value, the patterns of life are not always orderly but I resonate with the randomness of it all. Black holes, dark matter, unknown theories and sciences on the edge of natural anarchy has a place in my ideology. In embracing all the knowledge and truths I can experience or conceptualize is VERY powerful stuff. It takes a small bit of naivete with a large chaser of courage poured into wizened mind is a recipe for a magickal cocktail they now call “Chaos Magick”. Granted this anti-tradition has actually been around since the 19th century, it is only in my more mature explorations of magickal tools I feel 'ready' to explore this work of sigils, servitors, and Luciferian illumination of Self. A steady diet of Peter Carroll, Austin Osman Spare, and Phil Hine, these giants of imagination and self-determination have inspired me to reach beyond the ordinary tools of magick; the blade, wand, or any of the other accoutrements passed off as necessary for magick. The power of Will is the only essential in manifestation.
Take for example my little family vacation this last week to Disneyland. A horrible time to go, we ventured to the magical kingdom during Mercury in retrograde and everything that could go wrong pretty much did. Everyone in our group was arguing and not wanting to do the same things, most were smokers we had to wait on, I had a heat rash and sunburn. At first I was so bummed because my mom had to wait around all morning for a car rental company to bring a new vehicle due to bad brakes... Enterprise made her miss the grandchildren first entrance into Disneyland. We went on all the popular rides first, so Mom missed out and I was really bummed about it. I wanted her to have a chance without having to stand in line for so long. Whilst waiting for the children to finish a show, an employee came over and struck up a conversation with me... which ended in her giving me a pass to the front of any line in Disneyland for 6 riders. I couldn't believe it! Over the course of those two days I received other opportunities such as VIP entrance to a show, a cute old couple offered to let us que up in the handicapped line with them (after my daughter hurt her foot), AND an intimate moment with the Evil Queen I had been trying to get photographed with. Pretty much, all my Disney dreams came true and I owe it all to Chaos!