Illumination Through Fire
Hekate is a major presence in my life, although I have only acknowledged this in the past 3 years. In the past I tended to avoid dark goddesses, specifically “crones”; part of me didn't identify with them whilst still a young woman. During the pregnancy of my daughter I was caught in the heat and smoke of wildfires surrounding the area we lived. I had quit smoking cigarettes and pot, become reclusive from friends, and had a difficult time magickally during my entire pregnancy; add to that the stress of my husband and I being newly unemployed, renting a room, and having to evacuate because of fires with our cat and dog. It was savage, unrelenting, and somehow beautiful...the entire state was ablaze after a mighty storm came through with thunder and lighting burning up all dead, un-needed debris. By not cleaning up and keeping our state clean, nature found a way to do it FOR us...and Hekate has a way of doing this also. All this destruction juxtaposed to the life growing inside of me was very profound. I feel this was the moment She tapped me, but I still wasn't “listening” until almost a year later.
She started showing up at my women's circles; we did a ritual to Her and Janus at the New Year to face our fears. My greatest fear is debt and finances, handling them and no longer ignoring them was something I had avoided for years. A few months after this happened, I was in a car accident ('no fault' they called it and not a single person was hurt) and my family's ONLY car was totaled. It took a few months but we saved up and bought another car, but it was a big slap in the back of the head from Hekate. The lesson was it can be taken away and replaced as easily if I own my responsibilities and am disciplined. By that Samhain I had paid off several debts and my family's financial situation has only improved for the better ever since. It is still a struggle for me, but She is the patron of my financial anxiety so I pray to Her for the strength and guidance I need to face this.
I see Hekate as the true mirror, the guide to things we don't always want to admit or own up to; I think this is how She got Her reputation in the first place. Her torches illuminate our delusions or truths, whichever we believe more. Although I don't necessarily believe in the stereotypical 'angel', I think She may be one in a sense that She is a guardian to Her Devotees, Witches, and somewhat comforter to the Dead. She is also the tough biker lady who gives me the swift kick in the ass I need to get things done, to stay true to vows, and keep my integrity.
Her face changes constantly. She evolves and transforms as compost, with the phases of the moon, the tides of the oceans and earth's crust in both profound and subtle ways. To some, Hekate can be frightening; Her associations with the dead give Her a fearful reputation. However, She is about more than just physical death, but the death of one way of living and adapting to another, or value system, or any other changes one NEEDS to make. It is not a matter of choice or wants, but necessity for our souls to evolve and for some that is scary.
Her fire burns bright
In the pleasures of the night
Far from the lands of the living.
When the fires go out
She is roaming about
Reaping unneeded and unforgiving.
With a halo of flies
She takes to the skies
Black bird of prey, unrelenting.
Into the underworld's grave
Her magicks to save
In a flesh box, fermenting.
Brimo, Soteira, Mother of mine
Different names in a different time
Aid me now in meditation and study.
Be present in me
Show what I can be
With hands cold and ruddy.