I know...I'm a little late in the game, since the Pagan Blog Project started back in January; but I missed it last year and swore to myself I would do it in 2013. So here I am, thinking about what I want to write about this week. Could it be “Eggs” as I prepare for Spring festivities? What about “Evolution” as my spiritual path takes many twists and turns as of late? No, the word for the week is “Eden” because I am re-discovering the Sephirot, Tree of Life in Qabbalah, and learning about the Tree of Death, Qliphoth. As most of you know, I grew up Catholic but was able to break away and think for myself at a very young age (around 13). One of the major conflicts I experienced was the Genesis story of Eden; in the paradise given to Adam there were 2 Eves and 2 trees in the garden. If this weren't confusing enough, Adam and Eve #2 were kicked out after they 'realized' they were naked... at least, this was how it was explained to me as a child. Later I figured, okay... the first Lady was made from clay, the same primordial 'stuff' as Adam; but as the story goes she would not submit, so Lilith fled Eden (more about Her in a future blog). Adam was lonely again so God took a rib and made Eve... so She wouldn't be of God's image directly but a “copy of a copy”. In the replication industry, it is VERY important to have an image/document as close to the original as possible, not a third generation with less quality! So boo on you Mr. Yahweh for not using common sense.
So then there's the issue of two trees... and this is something most modern Christians forget. In the garden was the Tree of Knowledge (“of Good and Evil”)and the Tree of Life. It is stated explicitly that God commands Adam (never telling Eve directly, She only getting the secondhand news) to never eat of the Tree of Knowledge for they would “surely die”. Well, as we all know they did NOT die... they lost their 'innocence', a dualistic existence would plague them and generations to come as they reproduced with their offspring (as they HAD to since no one else existed, right?) and toiled the earth with blood and bone. THIS is what's taught as “original sin”... the disobedience of children becomes the curse of our existence. Why wouldn't we feel 'ashamed' of our bodies, since it was the cause of our fall from grace? What a load of guilt to lay on a child.
The OTHER tree, the Tree of Life, was NOT forbidden... in fact, I bet Lilith even partook of the fruit before running off into the wastelands. Those who eat from it gain immortality; longevity in living. I wonder, did Adam and Eve also eat from THIS tree as well? If so, they must be still living somewhere, to be immortal? Or perhaps they too have become demons/gods as Lilith, a dis-incarnated entity which has not been human in so long it has become deified.
“And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil” - Genesis, Chapter 2 verse 9.
I avoided the indoctrination as soon as possible... running to the Mother Goddess, who was a far cry from the Patriarchal God who sees everything. It is this I am reminded of as my own daughter becomes a young girl; no longer the baby I held in my arms, sweet and full of innocence which will melt away slowly over the years. Even now I am having to teach her about modesty, that we do not put our hands in our pants in public or let others touch our bodies. It was almost easier for my parents to lay all the fear on God; being afraid to touch myself or allow bodily pleasure in my little sinful body. I have vowed not to lay that trip on my daughter... but need to instill some guidelines regardless, just not based on fear or a self-loathing mentality. I want her to LOVE her body, all it's imperfections, and honor it for the holy temple that it is.
***Warning: It's about to get personal and punny***
I am only now, at age 36, exploring my own body. I never got into the masturbating game...I can literally count on one hand how many times I have done it; two if counting with a partner. For many, many years I never paid attention to this pattern... I have always been able to orgasm with sex and in tantric meditations without any physical contact (I know, I'm special), so there never really was a NEED to do this. But now that I am older and learning to work in the realms of sex magick, it is becoming imperative this obstacle is to be overcome. If I cannot bring the pleasure of ecstasy to myself, how can I truly know freedom or a loss of inhibitions? As I have learned from Crowley, putting myself in an uncomfortable position sexually can only liberate me.
I am ready to enter the Garden and taste of both trees, combining the Eve and Lilith within myself... be the wife/companion but also the devourer/creatrix of my own True Will.