It’s no secret that although I am slightly narcissistic, I still maintain a healthy bit of humility. It’s difficult to keep your ego in check when magick is afoot! That being said, I do not put much stock in the magickal folks who are the loudest or gain the most publicity… it’s on the quiet fringes of private practice which true power and talent in the magical arte is being perfected.
I’ve been around so many pagan and occult ‘celebrities’, spoken with them in private… I am rarely starstruck, so to speak. There are the few times though, where I am giddy just below the surface when I do get the rare occasion to be around a truly SHINY person…. one of those spiritual Be-ings who are cruising around, usually unnoticed or totally taken for granted, but to the trained/gifted eye is a cosmic Be-ing who has a little something extra. People not in the psychical ‘know’ will see them only as charismatic, perhaps even eccentric, but always intelligent if somewhat strange. What gets me though is HOW in the pagan community has these folks who fart, wrap it in pretty paper and the rest will take it as a good idea? Or will buy their books just because the authors namedrop so much it MUST be lineage? Fluff is fluff no matter the stuff… there are fads and flavor of the month trends in paganism just like any subculture.
What I find especially interesting is the people who ARE the big deal, the quiet shiny folks not getting the attention they deserve (or perhaps receiving the wrong kind), often tell me I am one of them. No one is more skeptical than I when it comes to any and all abilities, magickal or otherwise; but this is more due to low self-esteem issues than a healthy hubris. So when I hear these folks introduce me to others as “This is Fawn, She’s kinda a big deal”, I am FLOORED. When psychic workers who know nothing about me are looking at my palm, or cards, or aura and saying “Woah”, I feel left out of the big cosmic joke. I now understand, ‘getting’ that I am a big deal. But WHY? And HOW? I am not famous, wealthy, or have any kind of real notoriety.
However, anyone who knows me spiritually, psychically, or physically will tell you that I am a force of nature… and I am going to finally admit it. I AM a big deal… I have been here for far too long, known so many Be-ings and aided them on their paths. I am an Initiator, a muse of spiritual proportions which even I am only beginning to understand fully. If you have ever worked magick with me, you will forever be linked with my current… receiving the repercussions through the link we always have. I am sorry for this and offer to sever complete ties, but it seems my friends and co-witches enjoy this backlash they get to participate in. I am a big presence. When you meet me in person it is so much more than you know… I will make you smile, even better try to exorcise laughter from you. I am a clown, the trickster, the one you know to trust to be myself… unpredictable power ready to give over and use for a higher use. The spirits have contracts, long made in the winds of existence; they are my kin and come when called; I have banked so much over the Aeons.
I am a reminder to never underestimate: what might seem naïve is healthy inquiry, stupidity for an openness to accept and that the large breasted, blue-haired Goth girl just might be more politically conservative than you originally thought. I need to own this, be okay with being a BIG DEAL. Just as anyone who has practiced meditation, faith or prayer for as many years, lifetimes, situations… steadfast in the currents and flexible as bamboo, my roots run deeper than the stalk is tall.